I wanna throw up

at the moment, i don't like myself at all
i don't how to explain it, but i'll try
it's like:

you've been on a diet, since like ever ^^
and you lose weight, everything's perfect, you feel pleased
but suddenly you have this phase where you can't stop eating!
you just can't stop, and you are starting to put on weight again

you can't even look into the mirror, feeling your body is pain
and you just wanna feel weightless again

and this is how i feel right now, like there's something in my body and my soul
something i haven't felt for so long
and suddenly it comes back
and i just want it to stop

but you can't control it
you don't have the power to make it stop