Halloween is going to be awesome!! it's my favorite celebration!!
i'm going to sleep at my friends place with some other guys
we'll eat soo much treats while watching some horrormovies
then we go to a party where we'll meet some more friends
then we'll go from the to door and ask for more treats
then back home, watching more movies, eating more treats and then
go to sleep
oh i love it so much
can't wait til' saturday x3

don't run from yourself

we're all individual human beings
god gave everyone of us a diffrent personality
and we can't really change who we are
of course we can improve in things,
we can learn new stuff, but who we are
and what we'll able to do, is something we've ever been
doesn't matter how hard we try to be more
it won't work, because in fact
we can only become what we already are

i have to admit that sometimes i'm scared of myself

reaching unconditional happyness is not impossible but not usual
reaching the state of depression is not unusal and easy to reach
the diffrence between happyness and sadness is not that small
dear world, i don't get this system, but is there anyone out there
who is ever going to understand? i guess not, so i just leave it like that
i'll keep on being happy and sad, feeling fulfilled and depressed
because this world is our heaven and our hell

F*** you, F*** you very much.

arrogance is a horrible thing
thinking that you're better than oters makes you a bitch
skin colour, language, hair colour . . does it matter so much?
personality is what matters
selfishness makes you a slut
of course it's important to take care for yourself, but the thing
you are doing is insulting and disgusting
someday you'll be the one who's going to be mistreated
and then i'll be the fist who will laugh at you the hardest
i just want you to know that i hate you

i don't understand this cradle of humanity
self-destruction has become kind of a trend
sometimes I got the feeling that self esteem dosen’t even exist anymore
i want an angel that knows how to stay true to oneself
that knows how to comprehend , an angel that got those spezial lights in its eyes

i love long late night car driving
i love looking out the window while driving through the big city lights
i love listening to my favorite music while watching these beautiful lights
this is when i feel on top of the world
this is when i feel like crying because of my happyness
i just want you to know, that this is when i feel fulfilled

i saw all of my friends on wednesday x3
and after that, while driving home i felt satisfied and thankfull
i realised that i am very lucky even though there are moments in my life
when it doesn't feel like that

think about the beauty left around you
and be happy x3

i always felt ashamed of my names . . .
sometimes i felt ashamed of who i am, but not anymore
i am: natascha natalie suzanne bawota merveille Bope
and i am through and through happy =]

*********♦*********
********why does my heart feel so bad?********
********why does my soul feel so bad?********
♦

because nothing stays as it is
everyone is making progress
everyone is growing up
...

Empty

we talked for about 2 and a half hour, we were screaming, laughing and crying
but we made it through somehow
yes we are talking to each other again
and of course i am thankful for that,
because R and I are one of the most important persons in my
difficult life
i thank god for not taking them away from me
ya we made it through
but why do i feel so sad? i feel like crying, and i feel lost
what is wrong with me? something feels so diffrent

go ahead and burn it down,
i'm drunk and so is everyone else in this devil town

it's sad

i got the point that it seems you are not the one i thought you were
it's hard for me to accept it because you were so good
of course nobody is perfect, and i am the last one to judge but your
behavior is destroying everything
i hope that we'll come to a solution when we are going to talk about it tomorrow night
just remember, that once we were friends

can't wait to see my friends on saturday
. .. B-day party x3
, rebecca, isabella, andreij, roumeika, arioza, nina, ilé, denise, andy, julian,
and soooo many others x3
SATURDAY I'M COMING x3